Bury Away

Bury
I’ve learned to bury hurt and regret so I can survive days in my head.

I’ve learned to bury tears cause sometimes letting them fall doesn’t change anything and you just give up your “strong woman” card.

I’ve learned to bury my deepest emotions for you cause I’m not sure you can handle their gravity and enormity.

I’ve learned to bury my thoughts so they never become words that put me at odds with people I love.

I’ve learned to bury my doubts and fears because what if I actually can do it???

I’ve learned to bury so many secrets because I would want mine buried too.

I’ve learned to bury relationships cause I would rather be alone than surround myself with people who aren’t helping my growth.

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Keep Going

“We think about bravery as this noble virtue, where someone is supposed to keep their heads high and not let anything affect them. Someone who flies when we seem to be walking. It’s not like that. It’s like crawling. You don’t feel strong, you never do. But you just don’t want to give up.”

The above statement really speaks to me because I know all too well about this aspect of bravery. There are those days you just want to curl up into a ball because life and everything about it seem too overwhelming to deal with. It could be financial challenges, relationship drama, ill health, anything! No one is above problems and I think it is pretty amazing how you could have absolutely no strength or zeal to keep going but somehow, you still get up and keep moving.

To be honest, that’s how I have gotten where I am now. With my music, with my writing, with my personal growth as a human being, I just never stop pushing. I get frustrated, tired and sometimes I will admit I just stop trying for a time but only to take a break from the struggle and reevaluate how to deal with whatever it is. I always get back up again. I have to. I need to.

Like Timi Dakolo said to a contestant on The Voice Nigeria’s season 2, the man who fails is the man who doesn’t try again after a seeming failure. If you always get back up again, eventually you will succeed at whatever it is. It is the failure to keep trying to succeed that is true failure indeed.

Hope this inspires someone out there not to give up. I’m rooting for you!

P.s This post is inspired by “Failure” which you should check out when you can xx

5 Things God can’t do

Just came across this video listing five things God can’t do and I like it so decided to share/ save here. Here goes!

1. He can’t break a promise (Psalms 89:34).

2. He can’t remember sins He’s chosen to forget (Isaiah 43:25).

3. He can’t abandon you (Deuteronomy 31:6).

4. He can’t stop thinking about you (Psalms 139:17-18).

5. God can’t stop loving you (Jeremiah 31:3).

How awesome! Have a blessed and God-centered week y’all 😘❤️

I’m an Artist and that is my JOB!!!

Just had a heated and emotional discussion with my mum that opened my eyes and my mind to a few things.

As an artist, I am quite emotional so it drives me insane when people assume that because I am not employed in some office or bank, then I’m not working. Some even go as far as saying “why don’t you get a real job?”

A real job??? Music is MY real job! Writing songs is work! Going to the studio and spending hours to lay down vocals that sound awesome is work! Performing on stage? You already know, more work. Practicing, listening to music to improve your ear and writing skills, networking…these are things I do on the daily and they are part of my job as an artist. Fine I may not be rolling in the dough YET, but I am happy, got my peace of mind and I feel fulfilled. That is success. Success isn’t having all the wealth or being ahead of other people. Success is fulfilling your purpose and every time I share my voice and my music with people, I feel fulfilled. I feel like I’m doing what I was made to do (same with writing). 

Would I like to make more money? Duh. Is money everything? Hell no. Is God providing everything I need to live and achieve my dreams? Yes! So I step out in confidence everyday knowing I have what it takes to get to the top in my chosen career and trusting that the God I serve will get me there.

And now back to the things I said my eyes were opened to from my discussion with my mum;
1. Understanding is everything. Because people are different, something that is so plain to you will not be to another person. You make life easier for yourself when you try to understand where others are coming from and in turn, help them understand you.

2. Doubt and fear are normal but do what you need to do anyway.

3. You may be making the most logical point but the moment you let emotions take over, you will likely lose the case because people see emotional outbursts as manipulation. When you are trying to get a point across to someone (especially a pragmatist), you are better off keeping your emotions in check.

4. Just because someone sees the world differently from how you do doesn’t always mean they won’t support you.

And that’s it! Hope this post helps someone out there to stay focused on their dreams, be tolerant and understanding of the people in their life who don’t get it and remember that success is all about fulfilling your purpose.

P.s If you read this Mama, I love you and I’m grateful for you 😘❤️

To My Ideal Reader 

To my ideal reader:

I know you have so many questions and I know you often feel lost. But God has a plan for you; open your heart to Him and let Him show you.

I know sometimes you feel like a child but then there are all these pressures to grow up. You can grow up without growing old. Laugh and live. Work hard and stay focused. It will all fall into place. (P.s if you are a creative, feel free to stay in touch with your inner child. A poet I know says that is a good thing)

I know you have big dreams and you sometimes wonder if it is possible that they ever come true. Yes it is possible. Nothing is impossible.

I know you worry about the future. And you want to make your parents proud and make an impact in this world before you die. Don’t worry! I say we take it a day at a time, a person at a time. We can change the world by loving people, being positive and doing whatever we can to help the people around us, no matter how little.

We gon’ be alright! – Kendrick Lamar 😜

 

Starting Over

So I actually thought I started this blog two years ago but it turns out I started it four years ago. When I started this, the goal was to use it as a journal/ space to inspire anyone who happened to be in the phase of life known as “growing up and finding yourself” (peep my very first post here). Now I haven’t been as consistent as I would have liked to be because Lord knows a lot has happened over the last four years that I could have shared on here but no use dwelling on the past.

Anyway, I have re-gingered where blogging is concerned and I think it is appropriate to update my old readers and give new readers a sense of who I am and what to expect on this blog. 

  • I’m a 25 year old Nigerian musician who still lives with her parents. I write and act as well but my main passion and focus is my music.
  • I am friendly most of the time, I love a good time but I also have those days I can’t deal with people.
  • I am a big girl (thick, fat, chubby- whatever works for you) and while I have those days I can’t stand to look at myself in the mirror and I hate how my clothes fit, I am learning everyday to love and embrace my body as I continue on my journey to being a proud member of FitFam 💪
  • I am a Christian. I love God, I believe in Jesus and while I am barely religious and have had my struggle with my spirituality, I am dedicated to getting closer to God and helping other people do so as well.
  • I’m a dreamer and a rebel. I believe firmly in finding your path in life and being true to what makes you happy as a person.
  • I love love and I am a very emotional person sometimes. When I get passionate about something or someone, it can be quite intense lol.

So I think that covers who I am for the most part. And as for what to expect from my blog, I guess any and everything (did I forget to add I can be random? Think it makes life more interesting 😋). Music, health & fitness, stories & poems, random rants on whatever happens to be on my mind…

Hoping this blog inspires and helps its readers somehow. 

Love and light from me to you xx ❤️

A (Really) Short Story

Yesterday during a seminar presentation at my department, one of the department lecturers asked us to write a story in ten sentences with ten minutes. I ended up quite liking mine as it reminded me that I CAN WRITE. Grad school had me doubting and forgetting that for a minute there! So here is my story, not titled yet, and probably something I will develop on in the future.

She didn’t know why she still loved him. Everything he had done since the abortion showed he never really cared for her. As she walked around their apartment, she laughed. It was not a happy laugh. It was the kind of laugh people laugh when they are bitter, and she was bitter. She had been a fool for love, a love that existed only in her mind. She confirmed he didn’t love her when she saw the look of terror in his eyes as she suggested they keep their baby and get married. She was very sure their love was a lie when he didn’t show up to be with her at the clinic. He had lied to her from day one. So although she loved him, she was happy she killed him.

I want to sign out with something clever but I have to get back to freaking out over classics (music) on Youtube.

Xxx

Long Time No Write

It has been a LONG time I posted anything on here and that has been for one simple reason; I cannot write! Now if I weren’t a PLAYWRITING MAJOR in Grad school, that wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world but unfortunately, I am. Right now, I should be working on both a play and a thesis so imagine how much I have been freaking out.

My play is basically due this April while my complete thesis ought to be submitted in July. The pressure to produce work I would be proud of is there but unfortunately, that pressure hasn’t been helpful in getting me to just sit down and write.

Even songwriting is stress at the moment too. I haven’t been able to sit down and write something good in a while. Maybe I am over thinking it, I don’t know. So I have been reading and reading a lot with the hope that the more I read, the block or whatever where my writing is concerned will thaw out and the words will come running to me.

Another thing I have been trying to do is write anyway. Even if it is stupid or pointless. I just write. This was advice from my boyfriend. Can’t remember exactly how he put it but I think the main point was writing whatever it is I can write would somehow free me up and the good stuff will come out soon enough. Hope he is right!

I will try to write more often from now on. And hopefully whatever I write won’t be this boring. My sincerest apologies to anyone who reads this hoping for something good lol

Xxx

“If” by Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you   
    Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,   
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
    But make allowance for their doubting too;   
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
    Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
    And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;   
    If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;   
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
    And treat those two impostors just the same;   
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
    Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
    And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
    And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
    And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
    To serve your turn long after they are gone,   
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
    Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,   
    Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
    If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
    With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,   
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,   
    And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!
 
Great poem. Thanks J 🙂