Imperfect is Okay

It just crossed my mind that this period two years ago is when I should have submitted my thesis and stage play for my Masters degree in Playwriting from the University of Ghana in Accra. Instead, I ended up applying for a year’s extension and by the time that year came around, my thesis still wasn’t ready to be submitted and though it took me another 6 months to admit it to myself, I wasn’t going to submit it because my heart was never really in it. Now this isn’t me trying to make an excuse because I’m way too Igbo (Nigerian tribe and I bring it up here cause Igbo people have a reputation for being very money-conscious) to comfortably justify “wasting” my school fees and time because my heart wasn’t in it. When I say my heart wasn’t in it, that’s just fact. I later came to realize I was doing that for my parents and not for myself but that’s a whole other post. 

Back to my initial point, the one year and then some I spent trying to convince myself I was going to finish and submit my thesis, I beat myself up so many times for not having completed it in the initial time given. It was a huge sore spot for me and I carried it around like an overweight duffle bag that was weighing me down and making it hard for me to walk or even smile. I was so ashamed of myself, so sad I had let my parents down and let’s just say it was a long and painful year. I’d always prided myself on being smart and good at school even if I didn’t love it and not finishing with grad school as planned was a tough pill to swallow.

Now fast-forward to the day I realized that failing to submit my thesis and officially bag my Master’s degree did not make me a failure and I was still an intelligent human being who just happened to have a dent in an otherwise impressive academic record. I realized that even though I didn’t submit my thesis, I had emerged with a full length play on a theme I cared about, I had written at least 70% of a good thesis on the same theme (which was lots of hard work!), met new and interesting people and made some friends in the course of my study, acted my first stage play…sheesh! I was a good daughter, sister, and friend and I had grown up into a woman who was no longer okay with living a life she didn’t love. I wasn’t perfect but I wasn’t a failure either and till today, I bless the day I realized that.

It’s okay to fail as long as you don’t give up. It’s okay to fall as long as you get back up again. It’s okay to make mistakes as long as you learn from them and keep moving forward. Maybe I’ll still end up finishing and submitting that thesis (that’s what I told my dad anyway) or maybe I’ll decide to do a totally different Masters degree. Maybe I’ll even decide I never want to go back to school but whatever the case, I know now that being imperfect is okay. Thank God too xxx

  

Bury Away

Bury
I’ve learned to bury hurt and regret so I can survive days in my head.

I’ve learned to bury tears cause sometimes letting them fall doesn’t change anything and you just give up your “strong woman” card.

I’ve learned to bury my deepest emotions for you cause I’m not sure you can handle their gravity and enormity.

I’ve learned to bury my thoughts so they never become words that put me at odds with people I love.

I’ve learned to bury my doubts and fears because what if I actually can do it???

I’ve learned to bury so many secrets because I would want mine buried too.

I’ve learned to bury relationships cause I would rather be alone than surround myself with people who aren’t helping my growth.

Keep Going

“We think about bravery as this noble virtue, where someone is supposed to keep their heads high and not let anything affect them. Someone who flies when we seem to be walking. It’s not like that. It’s like crawling. You don’t feel strong, you never do. But you just don’t want to give up.”

The above statement really speaks to me because I know all too well about this aspect of bravery. There are those days you just want to curl up into a ball because life and everything about it seem too overwhelming to deal with. It could be financial challenges, relationship drama, ill health, anything! No one is above problems and I think it is pretty amazing how you could have absolutely no strength or zeal to keep going but somehow, you still get up and keep moving.

To be honest, that’s how I have gotten where I am now. With my music, with my writing, with my personal growth as a human being, I just never stop pushing. I get frustrated, tired and sometimes I will admit I just stop trying for a time but only to take a break from the struggle and reevaluate how to deal with whatever it is. I always get back up again. I have to. I need to.

Like Timi Dakolo said to a contestant on The Voice Nigeria’s season 2, the man who fails is the man who doesn’t try again after a seeming failure. If you always get back up again, eventually you will succeed at whatever it is. It is the failure to keep trying to succeed that is true failure indeed.

Hope this inspires someone out there not to give up. I’m rooting for you!

P.s This post is inspired by “Failure” which you should check out when you can xx

Death, where is thy sting?

It’s been a crap two days. On Tuesday, JB lost his aunty to cancer and I spent all night and yesterday comforting him and trying to cheer him up. Till I got the rug pulled from underneath me; my friend’s mum passed yesterday after fighting breast cancer.

It’s funny cause I barely know her; it’s her daughter I know well. One of the most amazing young women I fucks with cause girls are trippy these days but not M. She’s beautiful inside and out the first time I met her mum, I understood why M is so amazing. She’s a mini version of her momma. From the few minutes spent in Aunty Mimi’s presence, you knew she was a strong woman. A woman who held her family up. A warrior, a survivor, a woman that conquers.

I broke down yesterday when we heard of her passing. I was already down cause of how sad my boo was over his aunty, it just shattered me. I cried till I got a headache and passed out from exhaustion. When I woke up, it was still true. She was really gone. Leaving us all behind to carry on without her. Leaving M, her brother and her father to get on without her. Crazy! Just like that?!

Yes, just like that. That’s life and death. Fickle. Thin line between the two. Why then do we take life for granted so much? Why do we forget that it won’t last forever, that we won’t all be here forever? We really shouldn’t take a single second of any day for granted.

Life is beautiful. Life is cold. Life is funny. Life is underrated. Appreciate life. Acknowledge you are not on earth to pass time. Know your goal(s), know your purpose. I know my purpose and I am also well aware of my shortcomings. I fall but I continue to get up time and time again. Someday, I won’t fall again. I’ll stand firm till I soar just like Aunty.

Something a friend of ours said stuck with me. “Now we have an angel we know, watching over us”. I already have quite a few angels I know watching over. I know she did her thing here on earth and is now resting with God and thus I can boldly say “death, where is thy sting? Grave, where is thy victory???”

The grave did not win this one. Cancer did not beat her. She fought and she won.

Rest in Peace Aunty Mimi.

Rest in Peace Aunty Tina.

Watch over your babies here on earth as we achieve our purpose and join you guys soon ❤

#Pricelessbond. We love you

 

Aunt T