Imperfect is Okay

It just crossed my mind that this period two years ago is when I should have submitted my thesis and stage play for my Masters degree in Playwriting from the University of Ghana in Accra. Instead, I ended up applying for a year’s extension and by the time that year came around, my thesis still wasn’t ready to be submitted and though it took me another 6 months to admit it to myself, I wasn’t going to submit it because my heart was never really in it. Now this isn’t me trying to make an excuse because I’m way too Igbo (Nigerian tribe and I bring it up here cause Igbo people have a reputation for being very money-conscious) to comfortably justify “wasting” my school fees and time because my heart wasn’t in it. When I say my heart wasn’t in it, that’s just fact. I later came to realize I was doing that for my parents and not for myself but that’s a whole other post. 

Back to my initial point, the one year and then some I spent trying to convince myself I was going to finish and submit my thesis, I beat myself up so many times for not having completed it in the initial time given. It was a huge sore spot for me and I carried it around like an overweight duffle bag that was weighing me down and making it hard for me to walk or even smile. I was so ashamed of myself, so sad I had let my parents down and let’s just say it was a long and painful year. I’d always prided myself on being smart and good at school even if I didn’t love it and not finishing with grad school as planned was a tough pill to swallow.

Now fast-forward to the day I realized that failing to submit my thesis and officially bag my Master’s degree did not make me a failure and I was still an intelligent human being who just happened to have a dent in an otherwise impressive academic record. I realized that even though I didn’t submit my thesis, I had emerged with a full length play on a theme I cared about, I had written at least 70% of a good thesis on the same theme (which was lots of hard work!), met new and interesting people and made some friends in the course of my study, acted my first stage play…sheesh! I was a good daughter, sister, and friend and I had grown up into a woman who was no longer okay with living a life she didn’t love. I wasn’t perfect but I wasn’t a failure either and till today, I bless the day I realized that.

It’s okay to fail as long as you don’t give up. It’s okay to fall as long as you get back up again. It’s okay to make mistakes as long as you learn from them and keep moving forward. Maybe I’ll still end up finishing and submitting that thesis (that’s what I told my dad anyway) or maybe I’ll decide to do a totally different Masters degree. Maybe I’ll even decide I never want to go back to school but whatever the case, I know now that being imperfect is okay. Thank God too xxx

  

Bury Away

Bury
I’ve learned to bury hurt and regret so I can survive days in my head.

I’ve learned to bury tears cause sometimes letting them fall doesn’t change anything and you just give up your “strong woman” card.

I’ve learned to bury my deepest emotions for you cause I’m not sure you can handle their gravity and enormity.

I’ve learned to bury my thoughts so they never become words that put me at odds with people I love.

I’ve learned to bury my doubts and fears because what if I actually can do it???

I’ve learned to bury so many secrets because I would want mine buried too.

I’ve learned to bury relationships cause I would rather be alone than surround myself with people who aren’t helping my growth.

Keep Going

“We think about bravery as this noble virtue, where someone is supposed to keep their heads high and not let anything affect them. Someone who flies when we seem to be walking. It’s not like that. It’s like crawling. You don’t feel strong, you never do. But you just don’t want to give up.”

The above statement really speaks to me because I know all too well about this aspect of bravery. There are those days you just want to curl up into a ball because life and everything about it seem too overwhelming to deal with. It could be financial challenges, relationship drama, ill health, anything! No one is above problems and I think it is pretty amazing how you could have absolutely no strength or zeal to keep going but somehow, you still get up and keep moving.

To be honest, that’s how I have gotten where I am now. With my music, with my writing, with my personal growth as a human being, I just never stop pushing. I get frustrated, tired and sometimes I will admit I just stop trying for a time but only to take a break from the struggle and reevaluate how to deal with whatever it is. I always get back up again. I have to. I need to.

Like Timi Dakolo said to a contestant on The Voice Nigeria’s season 2, the man who fails is the man who doesn’t try again after a seeming failure. If you always get back up again, eventually you will succeed at whatever it is. It is the failure to keep trying to succeed that is true failure indeed.

Hope this inspires someone out there not to give up. I’m rooting for you!

P.s This post is inspired by “Failure” which you should check out when you can xx

Starting Over

So I actually thought I started this blog two years ago but it turns out I started it four years ago. When I started this, the goal was to use it as a journal/ space to inspire anyone who happened to be in the phase of life known as “growing up and finding yourself” (peep my very first post here). Now I haven’t been as consistent as I would have liked to be because Lord knows a lot has happened over the last four years that I could have shared on here but no use dwelling on the past.

Anyway, I have re-gingered where blogging is concerned and I think it is appropriate to update my old readers and give new readers a sense of who I am and what to expect on this blog. 

  • I’m a 25 year old Nigerian musician who still lives with her parents. I write and act as well but my main passion and focus is my music.
  • I am friendly most of the time, I love a good time but I also have those days I can’t deal with people.
  • I am a big girl (thick, fat, chubby- whatever works for you) and while I have those days I can’t stand to look at myself in the mirror and I hate how my clothes fit, I am learning everyday to love and embrace my body as I continue on my journey to being a proud member of FitFam 💪
  • I am a Christian. I love God, I believe in Jesus and while I am barely religious and have had my struggle with my spirituality, I am dedicated to getting closer to God and helping other people do so as well.
  • I’m a dreamer and a rebel. I believe firmly in finding your path in life and being true to what makes you happy as a person.
  • I love love and I am a very emotional person sometimes. When I get passionate about something or someone, it can be quite intense lol.

So I think that covers who I am for the most part. And as for what to expect from my blog, I guess any and everything (did I forget to add I can be random? Think it makes life more interesting 😋). Music, health & fitness, stories & poems, random rants on whatever happens to be on my mind…

Hoping this blog inspires and helps its readers somehow. 

Love and light from me to you xx ❤️

Hey There! (Update)

If there are people who come here looking to see if there is a new post, I’m sorry it took so long! I don’t know if I’m the only one with this issue but WordPress has been dogging me lately. It lets me type out a whole post and when it’s time to post it, I just can’t. If there’s anyone else with this issue, please let me know how you dealt with it. Even as I type, I’m not sure it’ll let me post but fingers crossed!

I haven’t posted since July so I guess a mini update is in order. I have another blog (an even more private one cause privacy is awesome in this crazy world) and there are a few posts from there I will share on here as well but mini update first.

1. After a nice summer in America, I am back in Accra and now in school 😀 I got accepted by the University of Ghana and I am now a graduate student studying Playwriting. Looking forward to the next two years and all I’m going to work on and learn.

School started basically a month ago and it’s already in full swing. I’m going to be in a play (OMGGG), going to perform as a curtain raiser for the same play (that’s easier), got a bunch of papers to work on and a WHOLE LOT of reading to cover. God help me!

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Some of my courses…

2. I am trying my best to re-invent my style. I realized my style is super boring and while I don’t need to become a fashionista, I sure could put in some more effort! Did reasonable shopping over the summer and from now on, I’m gonna add something savvy to my wardrobe as regularly as I can. Also reading and following a lot more fashion blogs for help 🙂
me

3. I’m unemployed again. This is bitter-sweet. It’s awesome not having a 9 to 5 anymore but I hate having to rely on my parents again for money. I miss getting a paycheck and as soon as I get properly settled in school, I’m going to look into getting a part-time job. Oh, the pains of growing up!

4. I’m writing more seriously now, or trying to anyway. So I joined the team of Omoge Mura bloggers and I contribute stories on Beauty. My first post came out last week, an interview with celebrity makeup artist and the Program Head of MUD Cosmetics, David Onyedike. You can check it out here.

5. My baby sis turned 21 last month! We are both officially young adults now and it’s scary but exciting. We also have our own apartment now in Accra. No more roommates and sharing the same room (shout out to the parents!).

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Last month at Rhapsody on Bella’s bday 🙂

That’s really it. Not much now that I’ve written em down. Now let’s hope WordPress lets me post!

Have a great week guys :*

P.s September is over in basically a week!!! Has this year flown by or what??!

Xoxo

One of those days (Moments)

I have a hard time sleeping through the night and this morning, I was up from about past 2 to about 6. At 7:55am, a phone call wakes me up and it’s a colleague from work who I hitch a ride with occasionally. “Good morning Tara. We are almost there. Get ready”. OMG moment.

I had the quickest bath and got dressed at a ridiculous pace; called my colleague and he was still 20 mins away. RME moment.

Decided I had enough time to chill so I indulge myself. Just before I’m really getting into gear with the chilling, my colleague calls again. He’s 2 mins away now. Panic. Decide to grab my shit and jet out the door.

At the gate, colleague calls again. “You’ll see me soon” I’m yelling as I run towards the main road. My slipper cuts. Bloody great moment.

Sitting in the car pissed at my slipper situash but grateful there’s a cobbler that stays right outside the office gate and pleased that I still get a free ride to work. Life’s not so bad moment.

On my way to work, I realize I forgot my work documents and weekly planner at home. OH MYYY DAYSSSS moment.

I get to work, buy my breakfast, check on the cobbler but he wasn’t there yet, work on some stuff and make a few calls before settling into the boredom of life. Then pops up F who provides some entertainment and the cobbler shows up and I get my slipper fixed. ‘These niggas can’t hold me back’ moment 😀

F leaves me to attend a meeting and as I head back to relax at my desk and listen to music, I spot a rip in my dress -_- ‘Are you kidding me???’ moment.

I decide the rip isn’t so terrible and I strut to my desk, put on my headphones and start to write this post. Fuckitol moment B-)

Keep thy heads above the water… always

xoxo